A Series of Fictional Sayings, Quotations, Advice, Ruminations and Spoutings by People Who Are Real and Generally Famous. Created by me. For science.

"Solid bonds created by chemical creations I choose to ignore the properties of
Fighting broken sinews of light that are supposed to be providing understanding
None of it is sinking it, all told again and told the same way I forgot to remember
Rinsed off, I find myself feeling mild joy coupled with milder illness at this freedom"

- Susan Boyle, inside a large tomb of a small beetle, 305 B.C.

"I’m going through a bit of a dry spell right now; that is, I’m performing a style of necromancy that will result in sucking all the fluids out of your body."

- Jim Carrey, marked by words of the Beast

"I’m trying to pay attention, but I’ve got a lot of not thinking going on right now."

- Wes Anderson, orating to a sea of kelp

"I remember the 70’s as a haze of thinly-veiled innuendos and guitar necks being broken across the faces of little German men, it’s better that way."

- Pat Benatar, recounting her discovery of Nutella and cream cheese sandwiches

"The following is not a lie: I caked, it was a new experience. I am still finding out what it really means to me personally, since I know everyone’s first exposure to it can draw any number of reactions and effects that last a lifetime. I skipped a few meals after, didn’t sleep much, found myself counting the nail holes in my wall from all the people before me who had decided that its decidedly blank nature was not fit to remain as such. I didn’t know when I would be able to regulate my life again, I spent a lot more time troubled by the patterns my cereal made as I filled my bath up with oat-o’s than I did with much else. I couldn’t be less present, but I was more aware, making a constant feeling of floating about from place to place, and never with much memory of anything that had taken place during my time haunting that location. There had to be a breaking point, otherwise it would have continued on interminably, so I thank you for that much at least. And not much else."

- Amy Smart, intelligentsia

"Listen all who call the shots, make the marks of i’s, the dots
We splinter here, our ways all parting, never looking where we’re charting
Mapping a course, full of remorse, oblivious to the change we wrought, we thought we had escaped
And I bleach out my own eyes on the tarmac, waiting for something better to do."

- Cindy Crawford, a less pompous member of the second-coming of the apostles

"They say if your mind drifts away from what you love you are lost, but I know I’ve just found another thing to be embarrassed by when I visit museums."

- Humphrey Bogart, totally bogarting, man

"Be stupendous, as you will certainly be viewed as stupendously stupid otherwise."

- famed wet blanket, Joyce DeWitt

"I get the feeling that I need to start taking some more risks in my life when the most exciting part of my day is looking to see if my mental image matches what I see when I am finished using the toilet."

- Chelsea Handler, handling things quite nicely while an overflow of magma ripped her home apart and into the ocean

"Sometimes letting what is precious slip away makes you notice just how important it really is. Mostly it just ruins it."

- Ginger Rogers, during a tag-team wrestling match with Ginger Baker